Thursday, January 21, 2010

Goals Deadlines Rewards & The Man in the Mirror

Goals Deadlines Rewards & The Man in the Mirror

Making a real change in your life requires 3 main factors

1) Goal

2) Deadline

3) Reward

Every “to do” list and idea that you come up with is just a dream without a clearly stated goal. Setting goals that are too far off in the distance don’t help create any momentum and leave you wishing and dreaming about ’some day’ when it’ll all happen for you.

The goal most be achievable, within sight, and clearly defined…and the most important factor to bring a goal to life is setting is a deadline. Without a clearly defined deadline a goal is meaningless.

Finally a goal must always be linked to a reward (otherwise what was the point of setting the goal in the first place). The reward can be physical, (lose weight, gain muscle) financial (get a better job, learn a language) or social (make new friends, find a partner, etc).

1. How your self talk changes your inner game

2. How your self image changes what you will and won’t do

3. How your self talk changes how people act

4. What it takes to change your body and mind

What’s the first thing you say or feel when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning? Be honest. Is it “God I have to lose weight” or “I need to get more sleep” or “I wish I didn’t have to go to work today”. Let’s face it most of us don’t look in the mirror first thing and say, “I’m perfect! Let’s go have a productive day!” Some of this is societal programming. We are used to the media portraying disheveled people in the morning that are immediately sprung into action by either coffee, toothpaste, or whatever we’re being sold that day.

If you make a mistake at work, you might say to yourself,” I am the most stupid person in the world! I always make mistakes!”

In reality you do not always make mistakes and that everyone makes mistakes and feels foolish at one time or another. The behavioral aspect of this self talk asks you to note your mood or feelings when you are thinking these thoughts.

Painful emotions such as guilt, shame, and anxiety can aggravate pain and your Fibromyalgia. We are our thoughts. Negative thinking produces negative behavior. Some research suggests negative thinking causes illness. If negative thinking causes illness, can positive thinking create health? Makes sense to me.

All or nothing thinking. “I never stick to a diet or exercise regime.”

Overgeneralization. “All men/women are pigs, it’s not worth getting into a relationship.”

Disqualifying the positive. Rejecting positive experiences as short-lived and possibly not recurring. “I felt great on my last vacation but that will never happen again.”

Catastrophizing. You exaggerate the importance of things. “I can’t keep my house as clean as I used to. Therefore, I am a failure.” Are you a failure? No, you just cannot do as much as you used to. Ask for help. Learn to live with a messier house!

Should statements. “I should be able to lose weight quickly if I only started earlier.” Should statements by yourself and others are usually based in rash judgments rather than advice.

Personalization. You see yourself as the cause of some negative event for which you were not responsible. “It was my fault my last relationship tanked.”

Many people use the word “chemistry”, “magnetic attraction” or “air of self-confidence” when describing a person with inner strength. Managing your self talk and putting in line with your Goals, Deadlines, and Rewards will begin to shine in your eyes and others.

Have a peaceful week.

Nate Klarfeld

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