Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Unconscious and Compulsive Need To Be “Right”

The Unconscious and Compulsive Need To Be “Right”



How much time, energy and money have we spent defending our personal positions to be in the ‘right’? With loved ones, family, friends and co-workers we fight a battle to make others agree with us and prove the other ‘wrong’.  There is something in our minds that judges everybody and everything, what we do and don’t do, what we feel and don’t feel.

And living under the tyranny of this inner judge is what causes us the most pain.


Our ego personality is the culprit. It wants to feel strong and secure. So, whenever we have the sense we may be wrong, it reacts by making us feel angry and afraid. The deal is that someone always has to lose in this dynamic. That’s why it always leads to interpersonal interactions that foster mistrust, conflict and competition—they’re all based on fear.


The truth is that, somewhere along the path of our growth, we separated from the interconnected aspects of our being and began to focus instead on becoming separate from one another. In the process, we either created, or were indoctrinated with, sets of beliefs, assumptions, and world views that we thereafter looked upon as constituting the essential “me.”


As a result, we live in a world with as many beliefs and opinions as there are people. We live life from an ego-directed place, so it’s “all about me.” That’s why, to feel secure as “me”, our reactions are to compete and put the other down—so the fear of losing “me” or being threatened can be taken away. That’s why our relationships are based on a continual need to be right: being right means that I can be “me” in a world where not being “me” is a threatening proposition. Hillary was right and wrong. It takes a village to make you nuts.


Recent discoveries in quantum physics have proved that everything is derived from interconnected sub-atomic particles. Without getting too Stephen Hawkings on you what this means is that we are all interconnected; physically, spiritually and emotionally. No man is an island is not only a cliché, but now a proven scientific fact.


We are all at a good time now to just “Let it Go” and stop the selfishness that categorized the last eight years. If you look at our relationships, our businesses and our happiness, it truly looks like we took our cues from our national leaders.


·                          What is threatening to you about not being right?

·                          Are you sometimes enslaved by a need to be right? If so, how does this feeling affect you and those around you?

·                          How do you feel when you’re wrong? Why do you feel this way?

·                          What was it like to be ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when you were growing up? What did ‘being right’ get you; what did ‘being wrong’ bring about?

·                          How does this dynamic now play out in your adult life?

·                          Would you rather be right or happy? Honestly?

Let go of the past, hold ourselves accountable for our own happiness and share the light and love to eradicate the darkness.


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